Taxing Times

A Desperate Plea

W E Kirkwood

Can you get this man and his cronies off my back? I can hide nowhere. Witness protection programs do not work: he pays them. We never married. We first got together in 1948 when I got my first job. Back then I had to start paying him 15% from my wage. He said if there was a nest egg, we could both be comfortable. He even promised we would get the pension no matter what. I had to pay rates and taxes on the house from my wage. Likewise the health insurance, dental and doctor bills and even private school fees. He let me pay these but let me claim these tax deductions so that was sort of okay, after all, I was expecting to retire on the nest egg he was saving with my money. These deductions were legal: the tax forms even had columns with these things as deductions.

But then he got greedy! He started taking most of my wage. He blamed the Whitlam government, inflation and unemployment. The Tax Association now tells me he takes nigh on 70% of my $35,000 a year earnings. I live on the rest. He constantly makes nefarious dips into my pocket – remember the gambling Ad where the mother takes her son’s coin collection? My partner is worse – he does it each and every day. He even forces my bank to tell him if I have a secret stash. The Banking Ombudsman says he can access my bank records. My Accountant fears my partner’s “Men in Black”. My partner sends his accountants in to look at my tax return but refuses to give me his. He pays Judges, Politicians and Bureaucrats.

He refuses to give me enough to retire – maybe he fears I’ll run off. I was thinking of some little country in the Caribbean to escape to. My Accountant says my partner can grab my passport. Of the rest of my pay, I have to pay the mortgage, childcare and living expenses. He makes me pay him an extra 30-50% every time I buy food, petrol and cigarettes. He puts this money aside “for our mutual good”. It’s my “fair share” he says. He tells me to work harder if I need more money but then he takes more out of my pay packet. He does not cook, clean, garden or look after the kids. The more I work to satisfy him, the more he wants. It’s never enough! If he can’t take enough out of my wage today, he makes me pay him more next time with “penalties” and interest! He got that idea when he was in Canberra.

So you think I should get out of this arrangement? A family lawyer says I cannot divorce him because he refused to marry me. A partnership lawyer says I pay my partner even if I die. A property lawyer says the Defacto Property Act does not apply. A Wills lawyer says I can’t give my estate away without my partner taking his “fair share”. We never had good sexual relations in 50 years. I feel raped. I never enjoyed it.

He is more powerful than a Mafia Don and pays the police, politicians and even gave huge sums to the ALP, Coalition, Democrats and One Nation for their election.

But it’s my fault – it all started with that first job and letting him take just a little 15% of my pay packet, then it was more and more and more.

Can you get this fellow off my back?

HE IS THE TAX MAN.

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https://prosper.org.au/comedy/taxing-times/